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Me and My Faith – Following the Thread
Please listen to my audio.
Please listen to my audio.
Please listen to my audio.
Please listen to my audio.
I have been in physical pain for the last 4 weeks with a blocked ear. I didn’t think a blocked ear could cause so much pain. Sometimes I have just broken down and cried. Every day, though, I have got up with the intent of continuing my amazing life.
My life is amazing because I talk to God every day and he gives me interesting things to do and say and think. Even through the pain, that is something that can’t be taken from me. I am always waiting for the the next idea, the next direction, the next piece of inspiration.
Last night I learnt that the oil I am putting into my ear must be a certain temperature and the room needs to be a certain temperature too. I learnt that the hard way, and suffered for sleeping in a room not quite warm enough. Today I feel “Why? Why do have to feel so low today, so tired, so broken?”
Of course these are the questions I asked God and then He spoke to me of courage. He said that I should focus on my courage, rather than on the things I can’t do or feel I am getting wrong. God says that this is a lesson in believing in my courage.
And when my ear finally gets unblocked, I guess I will be that little bit stronger and a bit more courageous than I was before.
When I get past the feelings of the enormity of the crisis we all find ourselves in, I have some very charged feelings about a conflict between fear and faith, (both in myself and in the world). It seems difficult to find the line between them. Usually we know we are taking risk, like every time we get in our car. But now it has all gone very hazy. If I don’t wash my shopping, I live by faith. If I do, I live in fear. Then do I use soap? Do I leave it in the sun? See how fear breeds fear. (Incidentally I don’t wash my shopping.)
This is something I feel strongly about – fear breeding fear – and I see it as something that we are all going to find it very difficult move on from. I see faith as the antidote. I guess that is faith in God for me, but could be faith in goodness, faith in connection with others, faith in a higher source, faith in love, faith in the mystery. Whatever . . we’re going to need faith! This is all I know. Am I on my own here?
“Faith is the assurance of what we hope for and the certainty of what we do not see.”
I have believed this for a long time and I always will.
God isn’t really trending – at least I don’t think he is! I don’t know why though because it is the only thing that makes sense to me sometimes – the fact that we are in relationship with God.
I just can’t imagine not finding this truth for myself. My most treasured possession aged 4 was my picture service booklet I took to church. Yes – I was raised to go to church – but more importantly I had an idea that was was a very significant thing that I learn about God. It seemed so big and exciting from where I was standing with my family in our 3 bedroomed house. Yes, we went school and had Birthdays and Christmas and new shoes . . . but this was God – a whole different kettle of fish! I wanted to know who God was and what he might have to do with my life and me.
As I grew older I became more and more convinced that life wasn’t enough just as I saw it and felt it. There was clearly something very big missing. It sounds so cliche but there was a gaping big hole and I had no idea what was supposed to fill it – O Levels, A Levels, a degree, husband, children maybe? But I knew right then and there that those things would not fill it.
I liked the idea of God, the mystery, the journey, the expecting of the unexpected, the puzzling things out with someone so much bigger and wiser than me! I loved that idea and so I chose to pursue it down all the twisty turny roads that have bought me to this point. And I will pursue it for ever!
Let’s tell our children about God. Don’t sell them short and give them the idea that life is just about having things, knowing things, a career, partner, children and holidays. IT ISN’T.
A Message from God’s Heart
Q What is it you want to show me?
A I want to show you about the great wonder of having a personal relationship with me.
Q And how do we do that?
A Simply by knowing that I’m here, ready and willing to commune with you.
Q And what do we do?
A Talk to me. Share your troubles and your joys, your doubts and fears, your hopes,dreams, ambitions, ask me anything you want to know.
Q And will you answer?
A Of course I will answer, in any way you believe that I can answer – through your dreams, through things people say, books, writings, nature, a voice in your head, synchronicity in your life, opportunities that open up, doors that open and close and more . . .
Q And could we just say that this is the universe speaking, or light or love?
A You could, but isn’t that an impersonal way of looking at relationship with me, the great Mystery, the Divine? If you find your breakfast on the table in the morning aren’t you delighted that someone laid that out for you? Or do you say “Good, the universe provided again!” Doesn’t it give you a warmer feeling to know that a person with feelings lovingly laid that breakfast for you?
Q So you want us to depend on you like a child depends on their parent?
A Yes. I didn’t create you for self-sufficiency but for relationship. I didn’t put all the answers in books, or in angel cards, or what you call your Higher Self or even in the Bible. They are hidden in me the great Mystery and because you and I are one, I will reveal them to you as and when I know the time is right. Our relationship is one of co-operation – a dance if you like, a banter, a dialogue – and between us we will unfold the greatness that I have put in your heart.
Yesterday I met a friend – someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. We had our first child at the same time and met at a post-natal group. We both shared our love of babies and everything newborn. We both wanted more children but we still only have one chick in our nest whilst she has 3. I was envious, desperate to have more children in our family too. We tried to adopt but it didn’t work out.
What was it I wanted I had to keep wondering. Did I want to look out of the window and see three children on their bikes or in the paddling pool? Did I want to do the school run and proudly drop my 3 little cherubs at the school gate? Did I want the sports days, parents evenings, dance classes and football matches? Did I want the big family Christmases and holidays?
I really thought I did want these things but even the school run with one little chick and parents evenings, sports days, paddling pools and holidays was too much for me! I wanted them to give me this ‘full, complete’ feeling but all they did was seem to take away from my energy and leave me feeling empty. I couldn’t find anyone to talk to in the playground when I collected my son from school, I picked up everyone’s strained stressed tired energy at parent’s evenings, the paddling pool could feel overstimulating on bright light days of summer and holidays, well – I just like the daily small things and my routine best!
When I met my friend yesterday she told me how her busy full life had developed. She was working, running a business, taking her children here, there and everywhere but I didn’t hear the passion in her voice, the excitement I would expect of someone with a full life. She seemed tired. Then all I could say about our life is that my son is home mostly playing computer games with friends, we have doves now and like hover-boarding. But in that moment I didn’t mind that my life may not have sounded full because the one thing that is very full is my heart. And at the end of the day, surely that is what counts.
Are you choosing a full life over a full heart?