Living by the Light – When I Struggle to Connect

Seeing the colours in the light gives to me clues as to why I may feel a certain way in my body or emotions, or why I am thinking certain thoughts. I don’t mean that I am just dependent on my connection with the environment. Far from it – I am always asking God what things mean and how to interpret the messages I get through my relationship with the light.

Today, for instance, I notice a lack of yellow, and this always causes me to feel less emotionally connected than usual. When I first realised this, I was quite devastated, thinking “How am I going to live if I don’t feel really emotionally connected all the time. Isn’t this what everyone is striving for?” But I have had to let go of that way of thinking. God has shown me that connection runs deeper than heart energy or hearts or being grounded or breath or stillness or emotion.

Connection is through the soul. It just is!

Living by the Light in January – Ask God what it is all about!

In my last post I said how God speaks to me through my relationship with the light. Today I want to give you an example of what I mean by this.

January isn’t that long after the winter solstice on 21st December so I am always amazed at how the light suddenly becomes brighter and more enlivening as soon as Christmas is past.

For me, though, the spectrum can feel imbalanced. I may be seeing more blue and violet light but I am struggling to see red light. I feel energised yet I don’t feel very grounded. And when I don’t feel grounded it is harder to process all of my sensitivities so it is harder to engage with my projects and with the world.

My reaction could just be frustration and defeat but I prefer the route of frustration and determination! If I don’t feel grounded it means I struggle to use the analytical part of my brain to work everything out and create plans. Another way of looking at is that I can experience more freedom and less control. I have to dig deep to find out what I should be doing. What helps is to give myself a role like ‘Path Forger’ or ‘Battler’ so if I am having a hard day I still feel some sense of purpose.

This year these were the roles I gave myself in early January. I was trying to work out how I could fit some music composing and crafting into my life to help me stay feeling more enlivened and positive this year. I studied some complicated computer software and taught myself a new knitting style! I didn’t manage to complete a project. I was just path forging. Then came a day of deep black cloud and I really felt stuck because I need light to feel good. That day I was thinking about my next way forward with my highly sensitive son. This gets beyond path forging at times. It turns into battling!

Now, having connected with those energies I have kept myself moving and motivated. Now I sense the light going through a more balanced phase I am ready and charged for more creativity like writing this post!

If you find yourself feeling challenged by your own feelings this January, go deeper, and find out what is there. Talk to God and ask what it is all about. As far as I can see, God is is the only one who really knows!

Living by the Light – An Extra Anchor for my Soul!

Hi, I was lying in bed last night struggling to sleep. This is not a mild sort of struggle. It is a real ‘I can’t sleep!’ It has been going on for a long time and I would say that it is because I don’t feel grounded. So sometimes I talk to God.

Last night I said ” God, Why do I have this problem?” and God replied “Because you are not fully in your power” I asked “What stops me?” and God said “You.” I said “How?” God said “Well, you have this experience of me. Why don’t you write about it?”

So here I am willing to write. I find it hard to write about my relationship with God. It is like someone asking me to write about my husband. I mean there is so much I could say . . . where would I start?!

So here is an attempt to explain how I go about things in my day to day life. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t quite say “Hello, God” but I immediately wonder what my day is going to be about. I check into my feelings, my thoughts and how my body feels. This always gives me some clues. Well, this is all I used to do . . but these days it is a little more complicated. 3 years ago I realised I had an unusual experience of being very sensitive to the light. As the light changes, so do my feelings, thoughts and how I feel in my body.

For instance today, on January 9th, I am seeing a little less red in the light that I think most others would see and a little more violet that most others would see. The lack of red causes me to feel ungrounded and the violet light causes to me to feel full of ideas and inspiration. Understanding more of why I feel the way I do enriches my experience of God. I think “Wow . . God is speaking to me through my relationship with the light. This is amazing!”

I would say that living by the light is like having an extra anchor for my soul. It takes me deeper and helps me feel more connected to myself, my environment and of course ultimately . . . God.