I Never Was in Control Anyway!

The situation we find ourselves in with the Coronavirus is causing me a feeling of confusion more than anything else. My life feels in essence quite easy as we have lived quite an isolated existence since we discovered that me and my son have visual processing issues. We had just completed the neutralisation of all colours and patterns in our house and got into a nice simple routine of daily living and celebrating the small things. Life was good but a little bit of me felt that it was wrong in some way for my life to be easy.

Now, the world has gone upside-down and everything has changed. I am thinking ‘What can I do?’ How can I help?’ and feeling pretty helpless. The funny thing is that in many ways I don’t feel any more helpless than I have done for years. I have been feeling helpless about all sorts of the things like just how much people live on their phones and don’t really interact and more, as an example. This is because my helpless feeling comes from a sense that there is a deep lack of soulfulness in the world.

So now I feel confused because my head is saying ‘Do something!’ and my heart is whimpering ‘But I have been doing so much for years and I am still doing it.’ I mean I get up every day and ask God what I should do. I get up every day and wonder why some specific thing has popped into my head or why I am suddenly feeling a certain way. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to live like this – that I wanted to give up my own plans in favour of finding something else – the very thing that I should be finding in every moment of every day.

So what can I do at a time like this? Only continue to talk to God and continue my life of not being in control. This is the best gift I have.

Author: Jennie Williams

Hi, Welcome to my blog. I am a writer, musician, healer and teacher. Mostly my healing and teaching is expressed through my writing and music. I also enjoy doing one-to-one sessions with people helping them to find their voice, connect with their passion and be their true wonderful selves. I live by the light meaning that from when I get up the morning I have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How I see the light affects all my choices of the day - what I wear, what I eat, what I do and how I relate to myself and other people. I hope you enjoy my blog.

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