I woke up this morning and of late my immediate thought has become “Hmm, how connected do I feel this morning?”
Initially today I struggled to have a conversation with my husband or to stay awake! So I thought I would ask for a cuddle. Sometimes cuddles make me feel better. Sometimes they make me feel all hot and agitated! But today the cuddle felt good and I felt myself connect with my heart.
“Ah, connecting with heart”, I thought – a good start! My next thing is I always say I want to talk. My husband always asks what I want to talk about. Sometimes I want to talk about how sleepless a night has been but today I wanted to talk about connection. I have a family member visiting next week and the issue of ‘connection’ always surfaces for me because I know I can feel that I am struggling to connect sometimes. As I got deeper and deeper into this topic of ‘connection’ with my husband I felt more and more awake! Soon my head was positively buzzing in a good way.
So I got up happily to have my bath and started to think about a few other areas of myself. My upper abdomen (power to be myself ) connected – tick! My lower abdomen – my capacity to be creative – connected – tick! My throat – my capacity to speak my truth and ask for my needs – connected – tick! And I thought ‘Well, that is pretty good going.’
Then I noticed my legs were feeling a bit disconnected – low in energy – unsure of themselves. And I thought about the fact that upper legs are about ‘belonging.’ “Do I feel I belong?” I wondered. “Well, possibly belong but certainly not fit!” was my next thought. And then I thought of how I belong to my family, my community, the world, but I didn’t feel convinced and still don’t. And I feel very hot just writing this.
And my feeling of difficulty with belonging doesn’t just affect my upper legs. It affects my lower legs (moving forwards) and my feet (feeling rooted in love and life) It affects my middle back (my choice to be vulnerable) and my lower back (my capacity to let go) and my stomach (my capacity to feel whole and fulfilled) And it affects all the upper areas I said I felt connected in. It affects my ability to stay open hearted and the strength of my arms and my cognitive processing and the resonance of my voice and my trust in my intuition and my creativity.
So . . . where do I belong? I don’t know. I just got up and felt moved to write this post and the words just keep coming into my head and I keep writing them down. Today I belong to a world of inspiration and ideas, a world of hope that we can all learn how to feel better connected. Maybe all of us can only truly belong to the moment.
Today is May 9th – my Birthday. Now I guess May 9th may have no special ring to you but of course it does to me.
I am not a celebration person though and have had many grumpy Birthdays! I could never work out why. Did I feel people were not treating me right? Did I have too few cards? Did someone important forget? Well – the answer was often all of the above! However in another way the answer was something completely different.
Today I remembered how May 9th was special for me as a child (just the date) and also how I used to pray that the sun would shine on my Birthday. I literally did that every year and to my surprise, God did seem to answer my prayers! I can remember many a sunny Birthday.
Well, this year I kept looking at the weather forecast and I could see drizzle and a north east wind forecasted. So . . .what is God up to this year, I wondered! I had decided to go to my son’s favourite place for the morning as his happiness is everything to me and his visual processing gives him few choices to be happy when out. So we went to see our friend Vic and her lovely alpacas. We also took our hover-boards because I remembered Vic had a particularly promising looking new drive for a hover-boarding ride.
When we left in the car it was sunny. I noticed the old familiar cow parsley that is always out for my Birthday (and my Mum remembers from the day I was born.) The bluebells were still out (flowering late this year) and dotted in the hedgerow was the flash of red campion. The yellow was very strong in the green of the leaves – in fact so strong I had to shut my eyes when we went through leafy tunnels. And I thought to myself “Yes, it feels like my Birthday. All my special wild flowers are out.”
I haven’t had any presents because you try buying a present for a colour sensitive person! I haven’t suffered the sound or the pattern of wrapping paper. And I asked not to have cards.
The most memorable thing of my Birthday will be the trip in the car and all the colours of the spring flowers dancing together in unison for me! It seems that I was born at a time when the light feels best for me. And I must have known from very young just how much I needed the sunlight to really make the colours dance.
Did you pray for things that felt important to you as a child? I would love to hear your stories.
When my son eats dairy he seems to become a shadow of himself. He goes pale and his voice becomes weaker than usual. He is less resilient and more easily upset than usual. I see all these things.
And I see more. I have a sense as soon as my son has eaten dairy that it is not resonating with him but I have tried to overlook this as my son loves dairy! But an hour later I detect a jangled unsettled feeling around his chest. To look at him doesn’t make me feel well and I just know that my son shouldn’t be eating dairy!
The good news is that at last he feels the feelings and senses the imbalances himself so he doesn’t eat dairy any more. He would rather feel well. He eats hemp milk, soy yogurt and coconut based cheese instead and when he eats these he looks good because these are foods that resonate with him!